(if you're wondering if i want you to) i want you to
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: in between being exorcists, they're just kids in love. or something. sorta. not really. —ot4 drabbles
1. the one with the dimmed hall

:******

 **the one with the dimmed hall**

the wall's cool and flat against their backs as they slide and inch closer to the corner. there's whispering on the other side and, for a second, kanda and lenalee stop advancing to share a look.

once kanda's shoulder presses against the edge, they stop, staring at the wall across from them as they try to eavesdrop to no avail.

after a moment, in perfect sync, they lean over. slow, quiet, torturous. their hairs swing in the air, over their shoulders, tickling where their skins are exposed by their sleeveless shirts.

further down the connecting hall, lavi and allen stand, too close, too familiar–way too familiar. too _close._

kanda narrows his eyes. "i can't see shit."

lenalee leans away, hiding behind the wall as she chokes. "kanda, _please_ ," she hisses, eyes narrowed, eyebrows twitching.

for his part, kanda ignores her, concentrates on making out the other two despite the awfully dimmed lighting. these halls are abandoned but one would think everything would be nice and bright, considering how their enemies like to hide in the dark…

his breathing hitches and, blindly, he swipes and taps the air in his search for lenalee. seeing this, she moves back into position behind him, under him, their heads looking like they're floating on the air.

"wha–oh. _oh_."

kanda narrows his eyes until they're nothing but slits.

"what the fuck–"

his (rather loud) comment is cut short before he can even get it across. lenalee smacks her hand over his mouth, yanking him along with her as she retreats back behind the wall.

kanda stares at her, his eyes weird shades of dark blue and gray, his back against the cool surface and his slow breathing hot against the back of her palm.

they stare at each other for a moment.

did they… was… did they really just see allen and lavi…. _do the thing_ … kanda grimaces against lenalee's palm. have they just follow them to their secret meeting… are they… _lovers_ …?

"we can't tell anyone," lenalee hisses, eyes wide and blinking rapidly. "i can't believe they didn't tell us. how… how… _rude_ …!"

kanda rolls his eyes, crosses his arms in front of his chest, his mouth still pressed to lenalee's hand. she's ranting now, soft and quiet and all mixing together into one word.

he considers grabbing her attention again, maybe head back before they do. find some composure or something, he doesn't know. but lenalee's deep in her monologue and kanda's mind takes in just one simple way of getting her to stop:

he opens his mouth and presses his tongue against her palm, then, he runs it back and forth, makes indistinguishable shapes.

lenalee stops mid rant and gasps, eyes wide as she turns to him, cheeks flushed as she quickly pulls her hand back. " _ew_!"

kanda's grin is the sloppiest he's ever allowed it to be.


	2. the one with the compliment

the one with the compliment

"not to overstep any boundaries or anything…"

kanda slowly turns to him, long ponytail softly swaying and caressing his bare back. his dark blue eyes are narrowed–and that's it, really, but he still looks menacing.

and hot.

lavi doesn't take the hint.

"you have a nice ass," he drawls, unabashedly tilting his head down to observe kanda's naked– "and thighs. _wow_ , you have amazing thighs. do you squat?"

"i'm going to kill you," kanda sneers, shifting to fully face him, his hands covering only the good junk at his front.

"what! i'm _complimenting_ you!" lavi places his hands on his hips, forgetting, for a moment, that he's as naked as kanda is.

if he remembers, it's only because kanda's eyes slowly lower down to his exposed front. or, okay, okay–it's also the slight wave of shivers that make him twitch a bit. the heaviness of kanda's stare on his tanned skin, like studying or scrutinizing or something.

lavi's never had issues with his body; he thinks he's pretty hot himself, honestly. a few scars here and there and some tone muscles… more freckles than he thinks is necessary, really but _anyway_ , he moves to cover his jewels anyway. if only because kanda's grown _really_ quiet.

damn, why'd komui's potion-thing have to wear off when no one's around and he and kanda'd been in one of the training rooms? and now they're stuck in some empty storage room, naked as fuck and kind of turned on.

or maybe that's just him?

who the hell knows, honestly, lavi's just never really paid attention to how _attractive_ kanda is.


	3. the one with them in the medical ward

the one with them in the medical ward

i.  
he's shirtless, his pants low around his hips, his boots battered and ripped. healing bruises litter his body, the swelling under his eyes slowly disappearing and leaving nothing but the dry clumps of blood behind to speak of yet another battle he's won.

lavi looks at him and his long, loose hair and grins. yu's always been so flashy without even trying and that impassive expression, those gray-blue eyes do nothing but help in catching attention.

"yu," lavi exclaims, relief in his chest and something quiet like attraction tucked carefully in his green eyes.

"i'll kill you," yu says as if speaking of the weather, pointing _mugen_ at him. "i have the chance of making it look like an accident."

lavi simply grins.

ii.  
in the medical ward after the fight. it's packed with all of them, some asleep and others just staring, drifting.

yu's about two beds away from him but allen and lena are up and about in the room, leaving a clear view of him as he's sprawled, face down, on his bed.

his hair is still down, fanned out, curtaining him, spilling over his shoulder and pooling. crossing over his face and catching on his lashes. his cardigan's slipping down his shoulder, black markings of his tattoo teasingly visible and… and yu just really looks like an entirely different person when he sleeps, lavi thinks to distract himself.

he looks peaceful and that's just something that never happens when he's awake. he's always ready for war, then, always coiled up and ready for a counterattack.


	4. the one with the first kiss

the one with the first kiss

"seriously?"

kanda's two seconds away from actually literally destroying him. the only reason he hasn't is because lenalee's here and the _last_ thing he wants is to make _her_ angry, much worse, make her angry at _him_.

so he just sighs and crosses a leg over the other, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes narrowed as he slowly turns to stare at lavi.

fucking idiot.

lavi's staring at him, single green eye wide and lips in a cross between a frown and a grin, if only to show his sad attempt to hide his mocking.

" _seriously_?" he asks again and kanda sighs again. "jiji? of all people?"

"listen," kanda hisses. "it does _not_ count."

"okay, but then, what the hell is worse?" lavi asks and it's the snicker right after that pisses kanda off like no other. "having your first kiss be _jiji_ or pretending it didn't happen thus never being kissed before."

allen and lenalee stare at each other and _that_ makes kanda even angrier.

"how many people have _you_ kissed?" he counters, but, who's he kidding, lavi's like a magnet.

"well," the redhead laughs, lifting a hand up to scratch and mess with his orange-red hair. "i don't think numbers are _really_ important…"

kanda lifts a perfect eyebrow. around the room, allen and lenalee are also interested.

"okay, like, twenty-seven," lavi nods, swallowing and scratching at the skin just under his eyepatch.

"christ," kanda breathes.

lavi does not take long to compose himself but his composure comes like this: he leans forwards into the space in between him and kanda on the long couch. he tilts his head just as he invades kanda's space and then presses his lips against his just as he scoots over close enough so he can reach his hands out and cup kanda's face in his palms.

the kiss is both quick and slow, lips pressed before he takes kanda's lower lip in between his, teases the soft flesh with the tip of his tongue, sucks and then pulls away.

kanda is dazed for half a second, their spectators for even longer.

"there you go," lavi grins, "your first kiss."


	5. the one with all the ugly tears

i started writing this way back when i had just finished catching up to dgm but i never finished and now im like meeeh i feel like its ok as stand alones. its not meant to be shippy so much as show lenalee and kanda being...losers? but take it as u will

.

.

the one with the all the ugly tears

the first time kanda almost dies on a mission, lenalee kneels at his side.

she has one of his bloody hands in hers, eyes swollen and watery as she cries inconsolably, teeth clenched and lips pressed together to keep her sobs in.

he's thirteen and she's eleven. kanda's always been reckless on missions; it's what happens when all he wants to do is destroy. and there's no room for logic when destruction takes over; logic takes long in getting the job done.

he opens his eyes after resting them, after the pain of his wounds disappears and his body starts constructing new cells to seal and heal.

lenalee is the first person he sees because she's bent over him, her hold on his hand tight and her long hair pooled at his chest.

"k-kanda…?"

"ew," he sneers, blinking his eyes. "are you crying? why are you doing that? stop it, you look all ugly and swollen."

she's shellshocked and he uses this time to get away, to sit up and groan as he pops the kinks out of his joints. he spares her a glance from the corner of his eyes, his lips curled in that way he does when he's unimpressed.

"where's mugen?" he asks, standing up and ignoring the way his hair has fallen loose around him.

"i… did you…"

kanda's kneeled so he's able to grab mugen from where it lies little ways from him. he looks up at her after, his brow furrowed and his dark blue eyes following the tears trickling down her cheeks.

"fix yourself," he says, his grin sharp. "let's go."

–

the second time isn't any different. kanda's usually always dispatched on missions with noise marie but he bets that idiot komui feels safer with sending her off with him.

tch, how stupid.

he's injured with a deep gash to his shoulder and marie's unconscious. she's the one to land the finishing blow but, despite this, lenalee is crying. again.

kanda stares at her for a second, his hand over his wound, blood ruining his coat and his shirt and staining his hand red.

lenalee's just as covered in blood as he and marie are; her pigtails are knotted with clumps of it. her eyes are focused on the matter that's left of the akuma, at the weak, glittering light that surrounds it like a barrier as it begins to disappear.

"she was just lonely," she whispers, feeling his eyes on her rather than catching him with her own stare. "she was just… lonely and missed her mother…"

"yeah, well," kanda sighs gruffly. he runs his forefinger along the opening at his shoulder. he can hear the burning of his body overworking on creating new cells to seal the wound away. "that's usually how it happens, you know that."

"i _hate_ the earl," she hisses and he isn't sure if he's meant to hear that. "i _hate_ him for targeting the vulnerable." fresh tears fall from her eyes, catching against her violet lashes.

kanda waits until he feels his blood flowing down the side of his chest stop, when he's healed and he's rolled his shoulder to regain feeling. sometimes lenalee can be so much, he thinks, especially since he doesn't know what to say and comfort is one of the many things he refuses to offer anyone.

"stop crying," he tells her. "it makes you look ugly, i've told you that." he lifts her off the ground without effort, avoiding looking at her and searching their surrounding for marie.

lenalee sniffles, pulling away from his hold and shoving him in retribution.


	6. the one with the moon

the one with the moon

the moon is smiling down at her. wicked and mocking.

 _they are not here,_ it tells her, _they never will be again._

lenalee thinks of them, kanda's quiet expression, allen's soft eyes and lavi's wide smile. she thinks of the immensity of power they hide behind those masks, the determination. she steels herself, squares her small shoulders and stands her ground.

she smiles back at the moon, sharper and far more wicked than the its' eerie glow. the wind kisses her dark hair, the skirt of her uniform, the jacket that restrains her darkness.

 _they will come back,_ she sneers. _we will be together again._

the stigma on her her shins lurch and the pain pumps in her veins like a heartbeat. with this aching power she will make sure to bring them home.


End file.
